This cannot go on any longer. The statistic stating that 97% of UK women between the ages of 18 and 24 have been sexually harassed is most likely an underestimation. I have yet to get to make the acquaintance of any woman without at least one twisted story to tell. The prevailing narrative upon the surfacing of any issue of sexual harassment in the public sphere is always a slew of how to stay safe tips directed at women, with no mention whatsoever of the one common denominator, the men. Furthermore, when some semblance of blame is directed at the psyche of masculinity, there is the inevitable tone-deaf outcry of “not all men”. To the men who feel the need to voice that phrase, my question is this: if you are really a rare exception to the prevailing trend, why is the pointing out of that trend more offensive to you than most of your fellow men being a part of it? If you are really so righteous, why are you not calling out other men instead of trying to discredit the women who are speaking up? Why are you not going out of your way to challenge the notion of masculinity as dominance that unfortunately still pervades the entire fabric of society?
From a young age, all men are socialised by the world around them that to be a man it follows that they must wield power, as much power as possible, and most importantly more power than women. As well as this, men are socialised into fiercely protecting their dominant order of brothers against any incursions that might upset the power dynamic they are taught to relish. This is the root of the problem, the male psyche that the hegemonic patriarchy carefully engineers. Because we men are taught to crave power, we inevitably chase it by any means necessary, and in a deeply unequal society that shields men from accountability as much as it crucifies women for trying to hold them accountable, a straightforward means to power for the standard man is to claim it from a woman by force. The pleasure taken by men who choose to rape is not sexual, it is at its core a pleasure of having obtained power, satisfying the twisted masculine psyche impressed upon them over the course of their lives.
It is time to fundamentally re-write the creed of what it means to be a man. The system may favour you, but you should not embrace that, instead you should be seeking to break that system down. The patriarchy affords you greater privilege of influence, so use it. You may be taught to accumulate power, so don’t. Share your power with those around you who are deprived at every turn of a chance to gain any. Strive for a culture of equals. Simply being a man does not give you any right whatsoever to a body that is not your own, every life deserves the same degree of dignity and respect. Educate yourself, educate the people you know, educate your children. Speak out and challenge this narrative of masculine dominance whenever you come across it, and most importantly stand with the women as allies. This is not a women’s problem, it is everyone’s problem, and everyone should be working together to fix it. Right now it is on us men to take the next step forward and get actively involved. “Not all men” could not be a more counterproductive sentiment, it is reinforcing a divide of power that should not exist, and a system that depends upon that divide.
Dear all men, listen to the women around you who exist suppressed by the masculine psyche, learn from them, and let that knowledge guide your actions. You have been gifted a resonating voice, so inform it and then use it. It is also essential that we do not fall into the trap of performativism, this is not about soothing male egos by pulling punches or fishing shamelessly for clout. This is about actualising a drive for drastic and lasting change. It is not just an issue on social media, but an issue everywhere: at home, in school, in the workplace, on the streets, in government policy, and in the attitudes within our own heads.
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